


Happy Birthday Steve

by InvisbleDragon



Series: Drabble Dabble [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Natasha scares him, Awesome Natasha Romanov, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Burning water, But Tony is a Star Wars Geek, But they're still giong to have a funeral, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Chapter 11, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Coffee Thief, Clint Barton Cooks, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Muderes Tony's Coffee Machines, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint Barton is Clumsy, Clint Barton is a Spy, Clint Barton keeps Coffee Hostage, Coffee Addict Tony Stark, Coffee Thief, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deaf Clint Barton, Detective Steve Rogers, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emergency Foam, Everybody Happy, Everybody Lives, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fire, Fire extinguishers, For the First Time in Forever, Force Choking, Fourth of July, Genius Tony Stark, Happy Author, Happy Birthday America, Happy Ending, Hurt Clint Barton, I Blame Tumblr, I didn't Kill Someone, I will NEVER write smut, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Smut, Insomniac Tony Stark, Iron Shrimp, It's heavily Implied Though, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Kitchen Schenanigans, M/M, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Muderer Clint Barton, Murder, Murder of Inanimate Objects, Naked Cuddling, Natasha Has Killer Eyebrows, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, No Smut, No tissues needed, Non-sentiant Coffee machines, Oblivious Steve, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oblivious Tony, Oblivious Tony Stark, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Post-Coital Cuddling, Pouting Steve, Scolding Steve, Sith Lord Natasha, Sleepy Tony, Steve Rogers-centric, Steve doesn't Trust Decaffinated Geniuses in Kitchens, TONY WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BACON, Tags Are Fun, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags updated with each chapter, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, That means he is a liar, Thief, Tony Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Can't Cook, Tony Stark Cooks, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark is an idiot, Tony Stark-centric, Tony is a bad Storyteller, Tony is short, Tony skimps on Details, Tony's Babies are his Coffee Machines, What he wants is to suprise his boyfriend on his brithday, and murderer., empathis on Killar, happy birthday steve, happy steve, happy tony, not really - Freeform, tired tony, tony does the impossible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-07-21 14:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7390306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisbleDragon/pseuds/InvisbleDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has an idea, and for once it doesn't mean blowing things up in his workshop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breakfast in Bed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lettele](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Lettele), [Ironman_out_keele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironman_out_keele/gifts), [strawberrylovely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrylovely/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Tweet](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/211702) by Lettele. 



> I was scrolling Twitter, and I found this tweet, so...  
> ENTER IDEA
> 
> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).

The sound of a trumpet roused Steve from a deep sleep in a way that only having served in the military could bring. “Good morning sweetcheeks! While you were sleeping the day away, I decided that a celebration is in order. First on the menu is this stack of pancakes, with fruit on the side; just the way you like it. With a tall rousing glass of milk, and finished with-"

“Tony.” Steve pinned Tony with a heavy gaze and quick glance at the alarm clock next to the bed quickly followed, “It’s 4:55 am.”

Tony grinned wider, “Happy Birthday!”


	2. A Different Kind of Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast in bed was theoretically a good idea. In actuality... Steve is tired, Tony did something to the bacon, and something else winds up on the menu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this second part was totally planned to be written... But I didn't plan to have to write a third part... So that may or may not happen, I haven't decided yet.

Steve sighed, “Tony, baby, can you please come back to bed? It’s too early for breakfast.”

Tony wilted, “I know it’s early, and that you usually have a run first, but I’m never awake when you do come back from running, and I really wanted to give you a birthday breakfast in bed, and I was up all night studying cookbooks trying to figure out something that I wouldn’t burn or blow up- we are never speaking of what happened to the bacon in the fridge, and-”

Steve shushed Tony, and winked, “Well, I could eat something else for breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But seriously, this is so weird for me- writing stuff in which no one dies or gets hurt and no tears are spilled, WHAT IS GOING ON?! I've probably been kidnapped by aliens. Oh well, happiness for all.  
> Also, I'm on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	3. What Happened to the Bacon Tony?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve remembers something Tony said about what happened in the kitchen...  
> Tony, what did you do to the bacon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now there's room for more to come, I didn't even originally plan for more than one drabble, two if things got more planned out... here we are with three uploaded and more to come.

Sometime later, amidst the thoroughly rumbled sheets of bed Steve pressed a tired kiss to Tony’s sweaty temple, as the smaller man hummed content to nuzzle his face into Steve’s broad chest. Steve closed his eyes, ready to sleep for another few hours, before a fragment of the earlier conversation, before food was discarded and words abandoned, filtered through his mind.

Steve tensed up, and shrugged his shoulder until Tony looked at him with bleary eyes. Tony let out a quiet “Hmmm?” already beginning to drift back to a light doze.

“Tony, just what happened to the bacon?” Steve scolded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to put here.. ummm- come see me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon) ?  
> I accept challenges, for the most part- and I like talking to people, so like... Be there or be square.  
> (And you don't wanna be square, you wanna be round like Captain America's shield)


	4. Answer the Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve puts on his detecting hat... or rather he cuddles the truth out of Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I have no idea how much more I'm going to add to this story. It was supposed to only be two parts. Now... its more than that, but I hope its still good, please enjoy.

Tony tensed and Steve sensed this was another Tony Story. Tony scooched backwards until he could look at Steve with betrayal in his eyes, “Why Steven Grant Rogers, going back on his words. We said we’d never speak of it. And now-“

Steve interrupted, gently pulling Tony closer to him, and draping the fallen sheet over Tony’s chest. “Technically, Tony, you were the one who said we’d never speak of it. I didn’t say that, nor did I agree. Which means that I’d like to hear what happened in the kitchen.”

Tony blushed as he mumbled, “Long story or short?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I enjoy: Comments, Kudos, Subscriptions  
> P.P.S You can always come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).  
> 


	5. Nervous Tony Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet cuddling in bed means that Tony needs to explain what he meant... Like now Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me much longer than I would've liked to get this chapter out... You can blame Pokémon Go for that. I am addicted and very, very frustrated.

Steve wiggled his way up the bed until he could rest against the headboard. He pulled an unresisting Tony up with him, and propped Tony up in a way that Tony was leaning against Steve’s wide shoulder, heat from Tony’s cheeks bleeding into Steve’s firm deltoid. Tony nervously twisted the Egyptian cotton sheets in his hands, as he curled up quietly beside Steve.

Steve hummed as he considered the options, before deciding. “I think I’d like to hear the short version. To start with at least.”

Steve curled his arm around Tony’s shoulders, and listened as Tony began to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired of my Supernatural fic, but I have to finish it as well, it's just been... a lot that I'm dealing with at the moment. Sorry about the absence.  
> If you wanna ask me you can do it on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon)


	6. Insomniatic Perfectionist Needs Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to cuddle up next to a warm Steve and tell him the embarrassing story of why we aren't talking about the bacon in the refrigerator that isn't there anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally only updated this now because... chatroom chooses, that's why.  
> I haven't updated anything else because I'm working on a new fic and I want to write all of it before I release any of it... also I'm totally working two jobs- both almost full time hours, and going to school twice a week for five hour long classes. And sleep is not my friend.

“It’s about eight o’clock yesterday evening, and I’m about to finish production on the upgrades for strengthening the exterior shell of fall away armor for fast release when JARVIS beeps me and asks me if I’m planning on going to bed or if he should start another pot of coffee for me, but in the communal kitchen, right? So I tell him to brew up another pot because the joints are sticking and won’t release as fast as I want them to and I needed to fix this before I could finish up and go to sleep. But then Clint…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since Stony I had to re-read this to remind myself what I was working toward. Oops.  
> On the other hand, I now have nice Stony on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon) page.


	7. Is Clint Still Alive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS makes coffee which Clint Motherfucking Barton aka HAWKASS THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SHIT holds hostage from an irritable, insomniac genius who's been fixing errors in Iron Man Armor, CLINT YOU SHITHEAD DON'T TAKE MY FUCKING COFFEE! JARVIS LOCK DOWN THE VENTS! DON'T LET HIM ESCAPE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I'm debating putting the long version of the story as a separate fic. I have reasons- 1) I want to get on with the drabble, and 2) I think that if I stick with drabble length (100 words) then the long version won't turn out as good as good as it could be (fic quality wise) on the other hand, I'm already doing this and.... yeah.

“Clint decided that busy genius engineer of the Iron Man armor needed a reminder about your birthday tomorrow… err… today. So he held all of the coffee hostage and had JARVIS lock the elevator until he was done telling me that I needed to not forget because apparently ‘pouting Steve, Team Captain, is like a clingy kitten and is only cute to you’ uhhh… me, apparently. So I was threatened by Clint with lack of coffee if I didn’t have the best plans ever for you… us… for your birthday today. So I made breakfast… WITHOUT ANY COFFEE FOR ME!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But as always- I love all of my readers, and you can always find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).  
> Drop me an ask if you want me to write a fic or if you want an easier conversation than through the comments section of a fic.


	8. Consequences of Tony's Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony told the short version. Unfortunately, it was a little too short on the details. Now Steve wants to know more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a little while since I've posted another bit hasn't it? The reason for that is in the end notes section, and is actually pretty important, but I wanted to use this notes section up here to give thanks to some friends who kept motivating me to work on stuff even when I didn't want to and wasn't feeling my muse. As a side effect I am now working on two separate stories that will probably never see the internet screen, but *hopefully* be published. Double side note one is mine, and the other I am editing for someone.  
> Also as I've now seen the Civil War movie, I'm not really feeling the Stony and it's taking all I have to not write a Hurt!Tony TeamGuilt BAMF!Rhody fic... although I'll probably wind up writing it eventually.  
> Now this section has gotten a bit long, which is why I'm adding the other bit to the end notes section; it is still important so please go check that out, thank you!

Steve patted at Tony’s shoulder in comforting reassurance. “Poor baby. Now question: since you made breakfast without coffee the next time I go into the kitchen, will I find either A) a sentient machine, or B) scorch marks on any walls?"

Tony shrugged and mumbled under his breath. Steve frowned at Tony until Tony gave in and exclaimed, “That’d be explained in the long story version. And you asked for the short story version.”

Steve frowned again, “Well, I said to begin with I’d like the short version. Now I think that I’d like to hear the long version.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so heads up; I might not've had a very defined upload schedule, but I had something, until now. I have started back with school, and it's kicking my butt. I'm taking 20 hour days with no days off, as I was just laid off from my second job (because REASONS) and am now A) without time to write stuff on my phone to save and post from my computer, B) without the sorely needed second paycheck (as I am currently attempting to move out of an undesirable location to a better place), and C) am looking for a replacement job to receive another paycheck. Plus there's the usual computer troubles, which includes wiping my files. Also more things going on that I'm not about to go into, so please stay with me and hopefully by the New Year I'll have some of my problems resolved.  
> So much... just... You know where I'm at- [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	9. Tired Tony Tells All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is a man-child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick, but not normal sick... more on that at the end, but otherwise blah blah blah normal stuff here. Whatever, enjoy the ninth addition to this.  
> (I swear I never meant for this to get so out of hand.)

Tony scowled as Steve smiled serenely at him. A smile ticked at the corner of his mouth as he scowled at his boyfriend, until he caved and heaved the sigh of the long-suffering. “Fine.” Tony dragged the mono-sibyllic word out until he ran out of air, at which point he crossed his arms and pouted like the man-child he was while Steve rubbed at his shoulder comfortingly.

Tony bit his lip, and stared silently at the edge of his bed, until Steve opened his mouth to encourage him, but he stopped when Tony began to speak in a weary tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone ever been so tired that you literally can't even walk or every time you shift your bones pop? Yeah.... that's me right now, but add a migraine and inability to focus.  
> Sheesh... and I'm supposed to go to a fancy dinner tonight.


	10. Yesterday's Tomorrow is Today's Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what was happening... this time the long version.  
> Still only drabble length though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might've only written this chapter because of something on Tumblr... I'm probably going to wind up finishing this story this week because of it. Also because I gave myself a deadline to finish all open projects before the end of the year, and I'm going to try to do that. Because... End Year's Resolution? Yeah, that's a thing now; anyway, enjoy!  
> Anyway, if you wanna yell at me for being stupid you can do so on [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).

“I swear I didn’t forget your birthday, but I didn’t also notice at the time that it was tomorrow-today. I was busy updating the armor, when I noticed that I had run out of coffee in the workshop and that my coffee machine was missing. So when I asked JARVIS about what had happened to my coffee machine, he told me that I should ‘inquire about that to Agent Barton’. I was about to ask him what he meant, when Clint flipped open the vent and told me that if I wanted coffee I should come up to the kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I was uploading this chapter to Ao3, I realized that I already had a chapter uploaded, but not yet posted... Whoops.


	11. Murdering Tony's Life-Giving Precious Babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint Barton is a liar, a thief, and a murderer. Ok, so Tony can't prove the liar part, he he's a spy, ok! It's implied in the job title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written 14 minutes after the last update, because I came across that Tumblr post again. If you wanna know which one it is, it's [this post](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/post/152416952249/if-youre-a-writer-and-you-see-this-post-stop).

“So when I got up to the kitchen, Clint was already in there with my precious baby spilling her guts onto the countertop. He told me that unless I wanted him to do that to my back-up precious, I would spill my guts about any plans I had for you for tomorrow-today. When I asked him what he meant by that, he stabbed my back-up precious in her brain! He then went on to remind me that it was the Third of July and that your birthday is on the Fourth of July. I had completely spaced on the date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping that I'll be able to get around to some of those asks people have been sending in, and actually write them, instead of just hoarding them away. If you wanna send me an ask, you can do so on [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	12. Burning Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony fails at cooking anything harder than making coffee. Seriously, he set a pot of water on fire. (More about this in the notes.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually inspired by my sister, horrible as she is in the kitchen, she actually burned a pot of water when she was trying to heat up water for noodles. There was a scorch mark in the pot when I smelled the smoke. Bless her, she's horrible.

“So while I’d been planning on making you breakfast for your birthday, I didn’t actually plan for the fact that I can’t cook. At all. I even failed at making Pepper an omelet, which, by the way is one of the easiest things to cook, right after making microwave popcorn and toast, and even though it’s not a food, boiling water. And yeah, turn out I’m a really, really bad cook, Clint didn’t believe me I could be so bad, but then I accidently set the pot of water on fire when I was trying to boil you an egg.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to ask me how that's possible, you can do so by sending me a message on [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	13. Natasha Asking Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is alerted by JARVIS to the shenanigans of Clint and Tony. Natasha is not amused. Natasha will have her revenge for JARVIS waking her up...even though she wasn't sleeping yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, still written because of [this post](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/post/152416952249/if-youre-a-writer-and-you-see-this-post-stop). I blame Tumblr and my incessant need to scroll through it. I do have to admit that it's effective though. I've written more updates in the past 12 hours than I have in the 12 weeks before that.

“So Clint was laughing his ass off, and I was nursing my hand under cold water in the sink when Natasha came in, probably JARVIS having told her that there were two irresponsible ‘children’ in the kitchen, and that her help would probably be needed. So Natasha grabs the fire extinguisher and then we wind up with a big mess on the stove. So she’s sitting at the counter on a bar stool and making the two of us clean up the mess that the fire extinguisher foam made, when she asks the two of us what was happening here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always you can find me lurking on Tumblr at [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	14. Emergency Foam... Funny Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thing leads to another at sleep deprived hours of the morning, Natasha pulls out her 'I can kill you' eyebrow... Shit just got real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My reason for uploading so often right now is cause I want to try and get all of my stories that I started this year done in this year, which means that lot of updates these few weeks, and then probably just a little bit of nothing at the start of the next year.  
> Because logic?

“So then Clint start laughing again and this time he slips on a little bit of fire extinguisher foam, and falls onto the floor and he hit his elbow on the funny bone against the edge of the counter. Which means that he is now sitting on the floor in a puddle of water with foam on his feet and Natasha give him the looks that says ‘You deserve it.’ Then she turns to me and raises her eyebrow, the scary one, the one that does the work when she’s in the interrogation rooms, and waits for me to answer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always you can find me at [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	15. Natasha does NOT have Sith Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contrary to scary belief, Natasha does not have Sith Force Powers. It's just that she's THAT scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in a... I think it's called a Word Crawl? Well, it's NaNo month and I'm not doing NaNo, cause I want to finish these two projects before I start another. Well that and it's coming up on final exams and I feel like [this](http://singbluestoo.tumblr.com/post/152706549839/kaible-they-scream-for-their-fallen-breathren) this all the time. I have a final project due as well... and I wont even be able to have all the data for it until the day before it's due!

“I tried really, really hard to keep from quivering under her inscrutable gaze but I am a weak man and she is really, actually, quite scary. So when I started telling her about how I failed at boiling an egg, Clint started laughing at me again, but he ended up choking for air when he tried to stop abruptly because Natasha glared at him. I’m pretty sure Clint is scared of Natasha. I mean, she’s scary and anybody in their right mind would fear her. So, I’m not sure if she really believed me, so I showed her the pot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always you can find me at [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	16. Aliens, Brainwashed Dead Best Friends, and Tony Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative chapter title: Natasha's nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NaNo is almost over, and I just made a account, because I have good logic! Not really.

Tony sighed as he remembered what happened next.

 _Natasha peeked inside the pot with a rare hesitance,_ last seen when Steve had brought up the subject of Bucky having been the one to save him from drowning in the river after the failed Project Insight helicarriers has crashed.

As part of her training in the Red Room, she had been trained to be not exactly immune to strange sights, but enough to not show outward expression to thing out of the ordinary, which had certainly helped at The Battle of New York when she had to fight an extraterrestrial army.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me here, on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).  
> Beginning in January, I will begin fulfilling requests. Before the end of December I am hoping to have all of my current unfinished works completed.  
> Which is why I've been updating this story twice a week.


	17. Suprise doesn't work on a Super Assassin Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [cont. from title]  
> ...unless your name is Tony Stark.

_This however,_ this possibility could only be done by someone who was completely inept in the manner of basic kitchen anything. The steel at the bottom of the pot was charred, and when Natasha reached inside to swipe her finger against the black scorch mark marring it, her finger came away black.

“What? How!?” Natasha was at a loss.

Burning water, much less burning it to a crisp to the point of rendering char on the container was scientifically infeasible.

How does one single person with a genius level intellect burn water?

It was completely impossible, so she asked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	18. Backstory in a Backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get all of this out by the end of December, so I'm trying to get through everything as soon as I can. Which means that I might, just maybe, have to increase these updates to three times a week.

_Tony shrugged in casual manner,_ brushing off the legitimate concerns over his cooking abilities. “I’m a scientific genius, but chemistry was never my forte. I still can’t believe the way he asked me out. I’m pretty sure Pep had something to do with it, but I can’t actually prove anything as J.A.R.V.I.S. is conspiring against me, I’m onto you! You won’t catch me by surprise.

Clint leaned over the counter in an exaggerated show of interest. “Do spill, Stark. What actually happened? JARVIS isn’t spilling any secrets, and Steve’s lips are tighter than his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	19. Iron Shrimp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to write this but then I did.  
> (Fun note: I am the same height as Robert Downey Jr)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon) is where you can find me.

_Tony sighed_ , as though the weight of the world were pressing upon him at Clint’s question. There was no way for him to answer this without embarrassing himself. Tony bit his lip.

"Well, you see little archer," Tony began his explanation to the blonde.

“I'm not little, because I'm definitely taller than you, Iron Shrimp."

"Listen, do you want to know what happened or not? Because I can turn around, and not make Steve breakfast, and have you deal with pouty Steve tomorrow, don’t think I won’t!” Threatened the frustrated brunette.

Natasha glared, “Stark. Chill out. Clint was just joking.”


	20. Tony is an Engineer, but he loves his Chemistry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [cont. from title]  
> ...puns. He loves his Chemistry puns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create these puns myself, I took them from this [website](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/scientificpickuplines.html).

_"It started one ugly morning_ , a few weeks back, when I was on my way to bed and he was coming back from his daily morning run and it slipped out by complete accident and I couldn't stop it. Shirtless Steve is my favorite, plus I was completely brain-dead after a workshop binge, and before I could stop myself; I heard myself saying 'You must be made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon, because Damn! you are FINe'.

Steve froze and stared at me like I had grown a second head. So I bolted from him, but it just didn’t stop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	21. Steve is an Artist, not a Chemist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comparisons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create these puns myself, I took them from this [website](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/scientificpickuplines.html).

_I began to learn about this thing I had for him,_ these 'feelings'. Not long afterwards, probably just a few days later, I ran across him again while he was in the common room sketching something outside of the window. This time it was, 'Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe.'

He didn't seem to notice me, probably an artist thing, much like me and my workshop thing. So as I very casually walking back out of the common room, I think maybe  Steve noticed me and asked J.A.R.V.I.S. what had happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	22. Poor little Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor little Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create these puns myself, I took them from this [website](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/scientificpickuplines.html).

“ _But then he later cornered me and asked me what I meant by those strange comments_ , that he couldn't understand what I meant. My brain was absolutely fried, because he was in the middle of making himself lunch, and he was wearing his apron, the one I got him as a gag gift for moving into my Tower. So when he asked me again, I couldn't help myself, but I told him, 'Did you know that Chem students do it on the table periodically?’   
He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me. I might have actually broken his brain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	23. Tony can't be trusted with science terminology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K-I-S-S-I-N-G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create these puns myself, I took them from this [website](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/scientificpickuplines.html).

_“I didn’t know what else to do_ , so my mouth ran off on me again, and I wound up saying the worst Chemistry Pick-Up Pun ever. ‘Did you know that billions of neutrinos penetrate you every second...So do you mind if I join in?’

I froze, I couldn’t even blink. But when Steve opened his mouth to say something I blurted out, ‘You must be auxin, because you’re causing me to have rapid stem elongation.’  
I was mortified. I wanted to die. Well, up until Steve smiled and leaned in a little closer to me until we were kissing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	24. Steve broke Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, chemistry puns. What an excellent way to get someone to date you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create these puns myself, I took them from this [website](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/scientificpickuplines.html).  
> What better way than to celebrate Christmas than with fluff? Tomorrow will be another update.

_“‘Are you made of copper?_ Cause I Cu in a relationship with me.’  
Tony froze. His world shattered into a million shards of emotional agony. Was, was Steve- no. Steve wouldn’t- couldn’t do that. He was pure American goodness in a GQ magazine model body with the innocence of a thousand singing angels. There was no way that Steven Grant Rogers would pull such a low-down dirty trick on him, which left one remaining option.

Steve wanted a relationship with him.

But why?

Purity and goodness and kindness, the man rescued puppies!, wanted him? It was impossible, but Steve had-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	25. Time is Measured in Body Parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting closer to the end! But also this has been going on for way longer than I expected it to, which I can't tell if it's good or bad.

_"Steve had kissed him._ And then many, many, many, many, many frustrated misunderstandings and questions and hesitant ‘are you sure’s’ in the night had led to this. Steve’s birthday. The man was perfect, and Tony wanted to give him a perfect breakfast. There was only one problem, Tony hadn’t counted on not knowing how to cook. Which was why he was now standing in his kitchen at ass o’clock in the morning trying to use his genius brain to remember his chemistry lessons and use his scientific knowledge to cook his boyfriend something, anything; so long as it was edible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	26. Clint is Optomistic... Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teamwork minus leader will end in blood, fire, and murder being planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end!

“And that’s why I am now the owner of the most technologically advanced building in the world, and a burnt pan with the failed remains of what would have been part of Steve’s breakfast.” Tony sighed and rested his head against the cool marble of the kitchen island. “It's impossible. Cooking is evil, and eggs hate me.”

He felt Natasha give him an appraising look, as the chair next to him screeched across the tile, probably Clint, as Natasha was the supreme super spy and made no noise unless intending to do so. “Don’t worry Stark, we got this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


	27. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when three idiots try to cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be the second to last chapter, WHOO! But I'm pretty pissed that I didn't manage to complete my goal.

They did not have this. Clint foolishly had thought that as she was a girl, that Natasha would know how to cook. It turned out that, Natasha was only good with knives when it involved stabbing people. When it came down to slicing vegetable into equal sized pieces for an omelette, Natasha did not know how to even hold a proper grip on the knife.

This resulted in haphazardly sized sliced, Clint bleeding from a gash up the outside of his arm and running his arm under cold water in the sink while his pan spat grape sized balls of flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, you can come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).

**Author's Note:**

> My first drabble, oh wow. Also, oh wow, I DIDNT KILL ANYBODY. This is a lot bigger of an accomplishment than you'd think. I find it really hard not to kill anybody when I write. But I guess 100 words is easy enough without causing emotional scarring to you readers.


End file.
